OK Here’s the Deal - I Hate Running A Blog
It’s true. It feels like a burden, like something I have to do for others rather than myself.
It not quite that I have nothing to say or the fact my keyboard has messed up due to the humidity in Vanuatu (g and n refuse to work properly). It’s simply, I do not like the pressure of it all. I find myself making drafts after drafts trying to sound witty or explain things which don’t feel important. (Or repeat how much I want to love this but don’t.) I hate the deadlines I give myself, making it feel rather pointless.
However, then I think about how with every draft I get to express my life here, something to look back on after Peace Corps and remember the journey, maybe even write a book (though my track record is not looking good for publicists).
I have to constantly remind myself why I wanted to start a blog in the first place... and like most bloggers reasoninow, I desired documentation of my time overseas. It was always a bonus it kept family and friends updated. So here’s my goal. I keep notes on my phone all the time and now I’d like to post them here. I enjoy writing them because they are short and sweet but my hope is after time they get longer but I make no promises. I’ll start by sharing this:
January 22nd 2019:
As time goes by, I become different. Slight changes. Slow changes. Starting with my body - it’s more bruised than ever before from walking barefoot on coral, trying to cook over fire, my dog swimming after me and tryin to hold on. I’ve got bamboo wounds, infected mosquito bites all over my body, and healing skin from the sun’s wrath. The changes are more than just physical. My standards of clean have changed, tolerance for bugs have grown, and I appreciate the outdoors even more. I find mentally I’m more immune to the sad bits about death, I can sit for hours waiting for a boat without feeling bored, think more before I talk. I notice I don’t notice past pains as much anymore. Slowly these things go away or morph into different values, needs, wants. I know so much more about who I am than before - like I am NOT a warm climate person, confirmed I love animals way more than people, I enjoy coffee shops and pubs more than clubs or fancy restaurants, and value time with family. I still don’t know what I want for my future other than travel, dogs, and being somewhere with seasons. I know I ache to live back in the United Kingdom yet think I will appreciate the States more when I’m done here. I discovered how much I adore cooking however I still despise doing the dishes (even more so without running water). I discovered my favorite thing for a night out is to stay in, cook a delicious meal, drink loads on accident, and play cards with friends. I find I am so much more grounded with who I am which is a gift from this adventure. Something I will cherish for its experiences and what it taught (and continues to) me about well, me.